Getting closer to a decision

Hey guys!
Well today, Claire and I bought tickets to a concert featuring "The Kooks" it's a pretty good band, she's excited as hell, and well i just love concerts so it'll be fun.
Other than that, i had 3 castings:
The first one was at the agency, for head and shoulders. . . in SINGAPORE so if i get it they'll send me to singapore for a few days.
The Second one was for Dragon Airlines, which i highly doubt i get becuase it seemed like they were aiming for older males. . . and i had just shaved so i look like a kid hehe.
The third one was for Diesel. . . we'll see if i get it. . . i hope so. . .
Anyways, on to the mental stuff.
At first i was really fighting the thought of leaving hong kong because i feared that i was doing it because i was going to flee from emotions or ordeals i thought i couldn't handle.
But now i realized, i'm not fleeing, which is the last thing i want to do, it just quite simply comes down to this:
I'm feeling fine, i don't have an issue with staying abroad without family or friends (Of course i miss you all very much, i'm just saying i'm not having a problem taking care of myself or being alone at the moment), the modelling market is really dry in hong kong and mainland china at the moment, hence i'm not making any money which kinda makes it pointless being here, Claire and I are ok so it's nothing about that, any other ordeal or emotion which may have been troubling me seems to have dissapeared so i guess those are overcome already. I've seen hong kong now, i'm tired of it, i feel like being in europe. So basically, i'm not having fun here. . . then why stay any longer than i have to? I don't regret comming here because i've always wanted to see hong kong, and i love adventure and new experiences which this trip has offered. However, when i left singapore i was already tired of asia and modelling, i remember asking myself if i really wanted to go to hong kong, and when i found out Claire was going i thought i'd give it a chance. Which i have, but now. . . i feel like comming home again, where new experiences such as a eurotrip with rikard and gustav or a surfing trip to france with Felix etc. are awaiting me.
I just feel, like asia has now offered me a lot, i have grown a lot, i have changed in many ways, although these changes may not seem apparent, but i feel very different and in many situations act differently and handle myself in a more controlled kind of way. I feel like i'm no longer that blue eyed child that followed 4 arabic men into the back of their shop because they said they liked swedish people (Does farmor, farfar, mom or dad remember that? Still freaks the shit out of me. . .)
I can comfortably say, i'm glad i spent 9 months in singapore, i'm glad i came to hong kong, i'm glad i tried out modelling. . . in fact i am very very VERY happy i ended up doing all this, but there is a time when you feel like something has given you everything it has to give. . . now i have reached that point, and i can confirm it because troubles are no longer clouding my judgement. (Sure modelling still has crazy parties to offer, but i just don't hunger for partying in the way 99% of the people within this industry has, as dorky and boring as it may sound. . . it feels like a waste of time)
I will continue enjoying myself and making the most out of this trip, but for every day that passes i am more and more certain that i will make my trip home the 1st of september and embark on more lifechanging adventures and overcome more eyeopening ordeals.
I am far from finished with exploring the world and i will make one or two trips within europe before studies once again consumes my life, that i am sure of.
By monday, i will have an answer.
But like i said, life is good, it really is. . . and it always has been, even when i'm down i still feel extremly content with life, i'm glad it's like that. . .
Well hope everything is well with everyone at home!
As for tonight, in a lil bit me n claire will be heading out, i doubt it'll be a big night for me though eheh ;)
Lotsa Love!

/Alex

PS.
Farfar
hahahahahhaha, you're comments always make me laugh, it really cheers me up everytime i read them, and i'm glad long hours fighting computer difficulties doesn't affect your humour ;)
Well hong kong. . . hmm how would i describe it?
I love the feeling when you're walking down the street (Aside from the fact that there are so many people you have to fight your way through, because i absolutely HATE that) when you look up at the buildings and you feel a bit lost? You feel really insignificant haha, it's an interesing feeling.
As for the people here, i would deffinitely say they aren't as likeable as the people in singapore. . . . yes that i would deffinitely say, you notice that especially in cab drivers hehe, but then again it probably has a lot to do with language difficulties ;)
If i decide to jump from Mt. Fuji i'll make sure i carefully examine your demonstration first so that i don't make a fool of myself, maybe i'll meet you there after another computer breakdown ;)
Lotsa Love! Hälsa farmor! and fredrik if he's still sitting next to you ;)

Marie
Hey marie! Glad to hear from you!
Yeeeeh hong kong has had it's ups and downs but i'm really good now, and it feels good to know that i still feel like going home now even when i'm not sad or feeling down, that way i know i won't let myself down if i head back home, and i know i won't be fleeing from anything.
On monday i will know for sure what i want, and i know that i will at that time know whether or not i'm making the right decision, thank you for the concern and kind words Marie.
Lots of love and i hope i see you soon, send my regards to majsan!